It was Captain Mainwaring-Cameron today at the despatch box with his sand bags and troops. And in the best tradition of Dad’s army it all looked as if it was going to be extremely amateur.

But this was a Dad’s army with a difference. Cameron had allowed WOMEN into the platoon. There were 15 Tory women on display for the cameras including seven on the front bench. And they looked terribly unhappy. Justine Greening the secretary of state for international development looked particularly miserable. Anne McIntosh, the MP for who has recently been deselected in Thirsk and Malton could be seen behind Cameron, her hands clamped so tightly together that you wondered what she had to restrain herself from doing. The whole chamber seemed to seeth with Tory women’s anger. And although the women were prominently on display,  they were not actually allowed to ask any questions. God knows what they might have said if they had been given the chance! Ed Miliband who is always surrounded by far more relaxed and happy-looking Labour women MPs, was getting Captain Cameron on the run again for the second week in a row.

Captain Cameron had said that ‘money was no object’ when it came to dealing with the floods. Miliband wanted to know what he meant by this, especially as his transport secretary had said that the government was not issuing ‘a blank cheque’. Captain Cameron blustered some more about sandbags, bringing in the army and mending the flood defences that had been broken.

Yes, but Miliband wanted to know about the 550 people who are currently helping deal with the floods, but who are going to be made redundant because of cuts to the environment agency. ‘Is he committed now to reconsidering those cuts?’

Captain Cameron changed the subject and started to talk about what seemed like fairly paltry compensation schemes for farmers and home-owners. Miliband repeated the question four times. There was no direct answer about the redundancies. But there was one about the capital budget for transport and flood defences. This, as Cameron explained, had already been set until 2020 and could not be changed. Not really a ‘money no object’ answer.

PMQs was a win for Miliband. His reference to the fact that Labour protected electricity sub-stations in the floods of 2007 worked. Very often Miliband plays the pretender and it is easy to forget that he and many of his shadow cabinet have been ministers, know how things work and have governed successfully. It an important point, especially as Captain Cameron and his team have got themselves in such a mess.

And Captain Cameron looked idiotic. As PMQs progressed, he was pressed by MPs from his own side for more capital investment in flood defences. His replies were shoddy. Maybe he will have to start bringing in reinforcements to control the floods of disloyalty which are sweeping his benches. The army will act, he assured us all, if we ask them. Rail infrastructure which has been so badly affected by the floods, was also the subject of several questions. Alison Seabeck (Plymouth Moor View) asked about investment in the railway to Plymouth and whether HS2 will take all the funding. She did not look very reassured by Cameron’s general answer about money for the railways.

Cameron showed a touch of the Bullingdons, when he was asked by Labour’s Stephen Timms (East Ham) about the increase in long term youth unemployment, which is now at its highest for 20 years. His reply was ‘I can only think the honourable gentleman is suffering from memory loss.’ Rushanara Ali (Bethnal Green and Bow) got a slightly politer answer when she suggested the government should take up Labour’s job guarantee to solve the problem of high youth unemployment (Cameron is being nice to women now remember).

Andy Sawford, the Labour MP for Corby, wanted to know why the government was not forcing a couple of employment agencies, which were paying under the minimum wage in his constituency to be named.  They’ve been protected for ‘commercial reasons.’ Willie Bain (Glasgow North East) pressed the point on lack of affordable housing and why the government was presiding over the lowest level of house building since the 1920s. This is always a great question, often asked, because the figures come from the Tories’ favourite thinktank Policy Exchange. It was met with a terse, ‘We are fixing the problem and house-building is rising.’

Captain Cameron today was bungling and his party looked tense and divided. All the sand bags in the world are not going to get him out of this one easily, as the rain and storms keep battering Britain and the flood waters rise.

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Sally Gimson is a journalist, a Labour councillor, and reviews PMQs on Progress. She tweets @SallyGimson

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Photo: UK Parliament