Pig sick

If I was David Cameron (as a vegetarian I have no interest in pork products of any kind) I’d be getting my sacking list ready. ‘Happy Christmas, you’re fired!’ would be a phrase I rehearsed in the mirror from now until New Year’s Day. First up? Ladies and Gentleman, Chris Grayling MP.

‘Happy Christmas David …’

‘Happy Christmas, prime minister, you mean …’

‘Of course. Happy Christmas prime minister.’

‘Thank you. Happy Christmas, Chris.’

‘You mean, ‘Happy Christmas, secr …’’

‘You’ll get a chocolate orange on the way out, Chris …’

Part and pass-the-parcel of politics, innit? But remember, it isn’t personal. Unless you’re one of the millions of people who the Conservatives are actually conspiring to make life harder for. In that case, it’s pretty personal.

Frog chorus

And so, the catastrophic, avoidable, self-inflicted election defeat brought about by Ed Miliband should still be seen.

Indeed, as every passing rightwing gain is approved, the pain etched upon the faces of the PLP – except those mounting a counter-insurgency against themselves – says, ‘We could have stopped this …’

Indeed we could have. But hey, those dudes knew better. Never again.

Pipes of peace

An incredible feat, one worthy of mention, has been pronounced over the last six weeks, but in truth, which has blossomed over the last two or three years. The Blairites are dead. The Brownites are dead. They died when they married.

Labour’s modernising, progressive tradition is – in my experience – stronger and more collected than it has ever been. A silent majority; joined in increasing numbers by people who wanted to be part of a new progressive movement but who were surprised by what they found: watch this space.

George’s marvellous medicine

The tax credit cut debacle continues apace (Nobody in the real world uses the word ‘debacle’. ‘Get your paper this morning, Frank?’ ‘No. That’s two weeks running. It’s a fucking debacle …’) Osborne has penned a miserable winter for three million working British families. The net result for them? Pain. For Osborne? Unelectability. It’s deserved. Labour’s job? Stop the nonsense: turn down the noise on student-union irrelevance. Get a grip and remember that the party of labour must, as a minimum, fight for those whose labour is exploited. Yes, internationally, but let’s start in the workplaces of those we represent first of all. Why? Well, whisper it, but that’s why we were founded.

Kezia Soze

Labour’s Scottish Leader Kezia Dugdale has intimated that a federal Labour party, whereby Scottish Labour is free to adopt separate policy positions, is now the future of our movement. Kezia’s 100 per cent correct: for Scotland, Wales and England.

Sony’s Walkman changed politics in the same way as the printing press. Not a matter of opinion, but a matter of fact. If you’re reading this on you iPad or iPhone, you know I’m right.

More next week. No flipping.

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Jamie Reed MP is member of parliament for Copeland. He writes The Last Word column on Progress and tweets @jreedmp

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Photo: jvk