There is sympathy radiating from the very fibre of his being, and how could it not? Every week he turns up at his interview for the top job, shoes shiny, tie taught, hair enthusiastically trimmed. Every week he trudges back to north London disappointed; not UK CEO yet, but one day? There are certainly reasons to be cheerful. In recent weeks the current boss has looked a bit out of sorts, his blue and yellow board seem to have lost their discipline and those working in accounts will tell you that turnover has dropped off a cliff. Things are looking down for Britain PLC and its shareholders are worried: perhaps now’s the time for a hostile takeover?

On the evidence of yesterday, not quite yet. Ed Balls, who also wants to be the boss, and Mary Creagh, who hopes one day to tend the company garden, hemmed our nervous candidate in, leaning back and forth and nodding out of context like some great semi-relevant cuckoo clock. Ed the Younger stood up, full of poise and purpose, and then watched helplessly as his first questions were effortlessly batted off. Unflustered he pressed on – what was the PM doing to help young people like him into work? Surely he should step down, or at least consider a job share? Perhaps he could come and look around the office one day soon? Cameron gently shook his head: this candidate was too leftwing and too ineffective to ever run the company, and he should have stuck to making tea for Tony Benn. Miliband sat down unhappily. He knew the selection panel of 60 million would not be impressed.

Heavy relief came seconds later as Sir Nicholas Soames rose to his feet. Sir Nick, as he would tell you, is a parliamentarian of considerable stature and those Tory backbenchers seated directly behind him would undoubtedly agree. He Buftoned and Tuftoned amiably about deregulation, a handkerchief large enough to form a serviceable double duvet poking perilously out of his pocket. Would it burst free and suffocate the frontbench, a giant silken quilt shot through with gold thread from an empire on which the sun has set? Not this time – but Vince Cable shifted uncomfortably in his seat at the thought.

There was some effective stuff from Nick Raynsford on the Olympics, Ken Livingstone and London’s homeless (Ed hopes they will all have jobs by 2015 as well) before a moment of deftness from Carpenter Cameron chopped Miliband’s feet from under him. Asked whether he was happy with his forestry policy, the prime minister rocked gently back on his heels, felt not a jot of remorse for Caroline Spelman’s career and said no. Behind the woodsman’s smile, we remembered, there was a rich reserve of ruthlessness. More meaningful employment for the leader of the opposition may come one day, but not before he starts swinging his axe more fiercely in the direction of the prime minister.

For more on PMQs, read Callum Munro‘s review of the blows exchanged, including his nomination for best backbencher, and Rayhan Haque‘s detective work into Cameron’s misleading figures on the Flexible New Deal