David Cameron, in poorer political health than in recent weeks but anaesthetised to partisan jabs by the gravity of the Libyan crisis, seemed to float upwards and above his body (politic). Dreamily, he looked down on Dr Ed’s gentle prodding. What was the good physician trying to discover through this most gentlemanly examination? UK support for the World Food Programme? A No Fly Zone? Perhaps a Yes Fly Zone? Three questions floated gently past, and the prime minister’s blood pressure remained stable, his heart rate slow and his breathing clear. The leader of the opposition sat down, removed his stethoscope and sighed. Tessa Jowell looked on, concerned, as the shadow chancellor began pulling on a rubber glove.

Our patient was snapped back into his body by Matron Penny Mordaunt (MP), who was very upset about the cost of changing the lightbulbs in her hospital. Suddenly the PM was alive, sitting up in bed and attacking PFI – a shambles! And one costing £8 billion a year! From the corner of my eye, I am sure I saw some Labour backbenchers nodding sagely; perhaps their diagnosis had been right all along. The colour returning to his cheeks, Cameron waved away the concerns of Siobhain McDonagh and damned Mark Pawsey’s suggestions to clean up politics with some faint praise.

Dr Ed was back on his feet before too long, after flicking through some case notes prepared by his team. Tory-run Bromley council, it seemed, was taking the scalpel to their children’s centres, despite pledges to the contrary. Suddenly, the prime minister looked a little ill again – and far too peaky to answer the question. He blustered a little before sagging backwards. It was too much for Harriet Harman, who looked as if she might be sick herself. Miliband probed a little harder – would we see another prime ministerial U-turn today? Would he dump another cabinet colleague in it? Labour MPs gazed on expectantly – there was no way this media-savvy PR man would be able to slip the net this time! Except, of course, he did – and it was Dr Ed’s turn to look off-colour, as Cameron snapped back with a wounding line about family loyalty. Even six months on, it’s excruciating to watch the Tories revel in the Miliband family’s discomfort. Some emergency CPR from the Mr Speaker allowed the PM to regain his poise after floundering badly on Sure Start funding and struggle through to the end of a low-key Commons session, a little bruised, but intact. For the first time in a while, we had seen flashes of soft prime ministerial underbelly. Ed Miliband would be well advised to make his examination a little more rigorous.