Some things became obvious to me from the first doorknocking session I ran in Norwich South 28 years ago. Such as … if you do not try to understand things motivating those you are talking to – their family’s security, their wish for a better car, their hopes to afford a holiday, or even a second one – you will not win their support.

As Labour student organiser in 1987, I had worked in a ‘Labour Gain’ campaign for John Garrett, sadly in a crushing general election defeat. Five years later, I faced a similar scenario, knocking doors for Barbara Roche, another ‘Labour gain’, in Hornsey and Wood Green. Again we lost the election. In the following two campaigns I was ward organiser, then agent, for Valerie Davey’s successful three-way marginal Bristol West wins of 1997 and 2001.

So it will not take a genius to work out that my 2013 pledge to Bristol South’s parliamentary selectorate, to fight this ‘safe’ seat like a marginal, was born of first-hand experience.

The fantastic Dawn Primarolo served Bristol South for 28 years. Hers are enormous shoes to fill. Thanks in part to her legacy, and the brilliant efforts of volunteers and councillors, on 7 May we increased our majority here, boosting Labour votes by almost 1,000. Neighbouring Bristol West – a Labour gain – and Bristol East were successes. Down the M5, Ben Bradshaw in Exeter nearly trebled his winning margin … all in a region otherwise painted a horrible blue.

Bristol South was not a ‘target’, so self-sufficiency was vital. Prudent constituency Labour party financial management these last five years meant being able to produce material. Not in shedloads, though – we could not afford that. Perhaps that shaped a determination to make every word count.

We knew what to say, and not just from absorbing party briefings. Also because, thanks to relentless doorknocking, we had listened hard for five years, properly grasping issues affecting lives of those we courted, and understanding they differed from ward to ward, from street to street.

Those conversations helped develop our narrative. We did not just focus on voting intention but what challenges people told us they and their communities faced. Then we shaped our local pledges to meet those priorities. Our campaign was in tune with what people were saying.

I am no fan of ‘motivational’ books cluttering train station WH Smiths, but ‘listen first, then seek to be understood’, one of Stephen Covey’s principles, is apt. It is hardly rocket science, but appealing to voters means first truly understanding them. I do not think we can do that by only engaging with historic core voters, or if, when we ask current voting intention we leave if the answer is not comfortable.

One principle of success was maintaining a dialogue with a wide constituency of people. Experience tells me by showing commitment and action we can earn support from voters whatever their prior political preference, as long as they feel there is something in it for them. That can work as well with ‘traditional’ Labour voters minded to back the United Kingdom Independence party as with those we consider ‘aspirational’ with a capital ‘A’.

That has got to be a centrepiece of how we move forward after 2015’s election trouncing. Being able and willing to work with an alliance of people from different sympathies and motivations – and not bidding ‘goodbye’ because they are not Labour the day we call.

As a new member of parliament, it is obvious that the upcoming discussions I will have with constituents who need my help with everyday crises in housing, poverty, health and so on, will be vital.

But from a local party development perspective, the most important conversations of the next few months will be with the folk who did not vote Labour this time – whether they went Ukip, Tory, Green or stayed at home. And understanding why they did not back us.

It is an urgent task, from Norwich to Bristol, and all points in between and beyond.

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Karin Smyth is member of parliament for Bristol South. She tweets @karinsmyth