The task of rebuilding the Labour party might be an arduous one but at least, how shall I put it delicately, at least you are not the Tory party, about to blow itself up on Europe all over again.

In fact, should anyone need a break from their busy schedule of agonising and self-flagellation, they need to look no further for solace than the opposite benches.

Most seasoned political commentators had assumed that, following a decisive victory and having obtained a clear mandate, the prime minister had staved off a battle on Europe among his own backbenchers until after the completion of the renegotiation he is about to embark on.

But while David Cameron is barely back from the first round of informal chats with European leaders and with the referendum bill about to go into its second reading today, civil war is once again in the air in the Conservative ranks. It didn’t take long, did it? I have been on sneaky fag breaks that lasted longer than the post-election honeymoon Cameron enjoyed within his party.

This weekend he got warning that he was under siege from 50 or so of his backbenchers (with a promise of 50 more to come). Like many cat-stroking Bond villains they ‘wish him every success in the renegotiation’ but stand poised to pounce on him at the first sign that he has not colonised France/invaded Germany/burned down the HQ of the European commission /made espresso illegal and/or turned the EU into an annual lager-tasting competition.

Cameron was forced to explain that, when he said that ministers will be forced to back him in the EU referendum or quit their jobs, he in fact meant to say that ministers should feel free to go ahead and stab him in the back. His own cheerleaders in the rightwing press describe him as a backtracking, U-turning prime minister ‘in crisis’.

Earlier the former whip Andrew Mitchell, a man with hard-won personal insight into what ‘blowing the lid’ actually entails, had been warning him that not allowing ministers a free vote on EU could do just that to the Tory party.

It made me think of the priceless Polish expression to describe somebody else’s comedic fiasco: Not my circus, not my monkeys (Nie mój cyrk, nie moje małpy). It is particularly useful in petty office politics situations, when you are tempted to jump in and resolve a stupid problem which, if you pause and think, turns out to be not your problem at all.

This is not to say that Labour is unanimous on the question of Europe or that fissures won’t emerge among leadership candidates about the best way to deal with the referendum campaign and so on.

But Labour seems to lack the abject hypocrisy of the Conservative Eurosceptic position on Europe: pretending to want change and reform, then raise the bar ridiculously high, fail to even agree on what reform is, what the problems actually are, what success would look like, all the while drawing plans for the great Big Jump into the Dark of Brexit.

As for the growing ‘for Britain’ circus (the Conservative grouping is just the latest iteration of the catchy suffix, joining assorted businesspeople, historians, chefs and so): PR stunts aside it’s time they are challenged explicitly to set out, in detail, what their proposed alternative to EU membership is.

If you are seriously asking the British voters to throw away 40 years of influence and clout in Europe moaning about the EU’s ‘badness’ and hankering for undefined alternatives won’t cut it any longer.

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Paola Buonadonna is media consultant and specialist in European Union affairs. She tweets @Peebi

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Photo: 10 Downing Street