The voters are not stupid, writes Matt Forde

Of all the glosses that some have tried to put on the absolute thrashing that Labour received, the worst one I’ve heard was a party member saying, ‘Well, Ed actually increased our vote share so he deserves great credit for that’. Some other people present sagely nodded and seemed impressed. Until I piped up and clarified that he had, by 1.4 per cent. ‘Well, it’s some progress,’ he said defiantly as though his pro-Ed Miliband argument had been vindicated. I was too polite but part of me wanted to go, ‘Oh God, he’s right. Someone call Ed and tell him to unresign! We’re making an awful mistake!’ Labour members have a proud history of deluding themselves after elections and just when you thought the party might be ready to learn some harsh lessons (not too long after we’d learnt them last time), you’re proven wrong by some fantastical leaps of logic.

One of my favourite theories currently being peddled by people still sore that they supported Ed is that we lost because he can’t eat a bacon sandwich. Either this is a smart way of moving the focus away from an analysis of his political agenda or this is a desperate misunderstanding of why people vote. There’s not a single person I’ve ever met who’s said ‘people keep banging on about jobs and the economy but when will someone answer the real question: “How do you eat a bacon sandwich?” It’s a cover-up’. Not a single piece of polling has ever suggested that bacon sandwiches are the public’s priority over crime and the NHS. So far none of the leadership candidates have branded themselves as ‘Bacon Labour’.

There’s always the classic excuse on offer, that it was the media who ganged up on us and made it impossible for this wonderful leader with great ideas to be given a decent chance. This is the one I struggle with the most, mainly because it’s deeply patronising. What this argument says to the voters is, ‘You poor silly folk who believe everything you’re told, you just don’t understand how to think for your little selves.’ The idea that people are completely influenced by what they read suggests that no one is capable of critical thought any more. Besides, I read the Daily Mail all the time and it hasn’t affected my opinions on immigrants, who only come over here for plasma-screen TVs. This logic is always one that I’ve struggled with. It’s the easy answer, just like video nasties were in the 1990s. If we are simply the product of anything we read, then no Daily Express reader would ever leave the house (unless it was to claim that free Greggs pasty they always seem to be giving away).

For Progress members the most frustrating excuse to hear is that Labour lost because it wasn’t leftwing enough. All Labour members want inequality to be tackled and believe that the world is an unfair place. However, there is a style of leftwing politics that haunts the Labour party. It’s a patronising, state-knows-best attitude that believes people are stupid, ignorant fools who can’t be trusted to live their lives properly. Apparently we need to be more like that in order to convince these idiotic morons who believe everything they read in a tabloid that they should vote for us. Labour calls itself the ‘people’s party’ but if the party is run by politicians who think that the people are stupid, what does that make the Labour party? No doubt Jeremy Corbyn will be making this case now that he democratically made the shortlist out of sympathy.

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Matt Forde is a stand-up comedian and talkSPORT presenter. He used to work for the Labour party

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Photo: Christian Cable