Seeking fun for all the family inspired by political events? Matt Forde has the answer
Young Conservatives at Reading University have apparently come up with a new drinking game: the Hagueathon. The aim is to drink 14 pints of lager in a night, the same amount that William Hague once claimed to have consumed as a teenager. You might now be experiencing similar reactions to me upon finding this out. The responsible adult in me thinks ‘oh dear, this is irresponsible.’ The bloke in me thinks ‘I could easily do that, what do I win for drinking 20?’ and the Radio 4 voice in my head thinks ‘finally, a health-related target the Conservatives can support.’ Very few people are going to make it to 14 pints, I’m sure, but the idea that a politician has encouraged a binge-drinking game is remarkable. If Hague’s behaviour has inspired a drinking game, I think we should play other games based on political history:
Prescott punch
A two-part cocktail. First, drinkers have a shot of eggnog. When this doesn’t go down well, they can then have a glass of an alcoholic fruity drink, or ‘punch’, to cleanse the palate. Especially fitting if played in Rhyl with a bloodsports enthusiast, but do be careful about playing this in the street.
The Santa clause IV
Festive fun for all the family. Each player has to recite quotes from Tony Blair’s famous ‘clause IV speech’ in the style of ‘Santa Clause’ star Tim Allen. But which quotes are from the new clause IV and which ones are from the old one? It’s a team game, so you’ll have to figure it out with the other players, because by the strength of our common endeavour we achieve more together than we do alone.
The ‘Quiet Man’ coach
We all get frustrated by those people who break the rules of the quiet coach. You may have tried meekly asking someone ‘erm, excuse me, would you mind awfully turning the volume down on that wonderful rhythm and blues music?’ It may have worked, but only for a few minutes. So try this new fun way to get people to shut up. When that young man gets on and starts playing his music loudly, just stand beside him and say ‘the quiet man is here to stay and he’s turning up the volume!’ If he’s a fan of Iain Duncan Smith, he’ll burst out laughing, turn the volume down and you’ll have made a friend for life. If he isn’t you may find yourself in a very difficult situation, possibly requiring police help. This is a high-risk game.
Guess Huhne
A role-playing game where each player takes it in turns to be a member of the Huhne family while the other players take on the role of the police and must guess which Huhne you are. For instance, if you’re Chris Huhne simply answer every question by saying ‘I have no further statement to make at this time’ or ‘no, I can’t swap you a phonecard for some smokes, I got shaken down in the recreation yard.’ The winner of each round gets three points, the overall winner gets eight months.
—————————————————————————————
Matt Forde is a stand-up comedian and talkSPORT presenter. He used to work for the Labour party www.mattforde.com
—————————————————————————————