Your guide to surviving when the political world is on holiday
The summer holiday is always a dull time for us politics fans. It’s a bit like the end of the football season. We start getting withdrawal symptoms, constantly hitting refresh on the politics section of the BBC website in the vain hope that some major scandal is going to explode and parliament will have to be recalled. Instead of waiting for the fixture list, we check the parliament website to see when the House is next sitting. Unfortunately there’s not a pre-season in politics. Maybe they should think about it. Just stage a few debates around the place as a warm-up before the party conference season gets under way in September. There’s no transfer window either. I’d love it if there was one month of the year when you could defect. If there was a big marquee signing over the summer – imagine the tension. ‘Reports coming from Labour HQ that a bid has been made to bring back Tony Blair to his old club on a rolling contract.’ OK, I do think about that more than once a day. It isn’t going to happen and we (I) need to deal with that.
A parliamentary recess can be long and boring, so how do we fill our time? Here’s my guide to surviving it.
YouTube if you want to
Make recess your very own highlight reel and have a couple of months repeating your favourite political moments online. Just this morning I watched Bill Clinton laughing at Boris Yeltsin, Nigel Farage and Tony Blair in the European parliament, and Old Man Shuffling. Ah damn it, I always get distracted on there. It’s great, though – he can really move. You can relive the great campaigns of 1997, 2001 and 2005 (my personal favourite). There’s old clips of parliament, presidential debates and even pandas sneezing. Jesus, I’ve done it again.
Go on holiday
You heard. Stop hanging around the office convincing yourself there’s stuff to do (I’m looking at you, MPs’ staff) and take your holiday. There’s a whole world out there. Beaches, cocktails and the inevitable conversation about what model of democracy they have out there and the different ways they deliver public services. When you get back you can sound like an expert. Although it depends where you’ve been: Scandinavia is always good for drawing political examples. You might not make the best case if you say, ‘I was over in Faliraki this summer and, let me tell you, their licensing laws are amazing. We were doing fishbowls until 7am and then vodka jellies for breakfast.’
Read
All those books you bought to make your bookshelf look good or that you got for Christmas and didn’t start – now’s the time to read them. Convince yourself that this is your pre-season training, getting the edge on your colleagues and friends by cramming on your favourite political subjects. Whether it’s Lyndon Johnson, the 1945 general election or woman falls down hole … Honestly, I’m a lost cause.
A bit of time off from politics can be a good thing. Real life is what politics is all about. Embrace the time away from it all. Go to the pub, walk the dog or do something spontaneous. As I write this I’m at the Edinburgh festival so I’m surrounded by needy egotists who are all up drinking until 6am. Perfect training for conference season.
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Matt Forde is a stand-up comedian and talkSPORT presenter. He used to work for the Labour party www.mattforde.com
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